


a heart's a heavy burden

by glassalgae



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: BDSM, Bottom Asra, Dominant Asra (The Arcana), Emotional Sex, Just an absolute mess, Love, M/M, Muriel route, Power Play, Service Top Julian Devorak, Submissive Julian Devorak, Trans Character, Whipping, pre-game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21843448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassalgae/pseuds/glassalgae
Summary: julian and asra's complex relationship hurts as much as it feels good
Relationships: Asra/Julian Devorak
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	a heart's a heavy burden

**Author's Note:**

> •asra is AFAB (assigned female at birth) and I use he/him pronouns  
> •asra's clit is referred to as his cock and the words hole & parting are used for his vagina  
> •asra is dominant but bottoms, julian is submissive but tops

Asra doesn’t love him.

No matter what happens, it is a constant.

* * *

Julian is tied, with his arms above his head leaning over a chair, legs spread at the seat and chest resting on the backing of the chair. His legs wobble with the effort to keep himself up, but that’s part of the game. He can’t see, but he can hear and taste and feel and better yet speak. 

But for once, he’s lost with words. Asra’s hands are on his tense back, rubbing in, talented. He’s been stretching muscles and popping joints and forcing him to try to relax without actually relaxing, or else he’d fall. It’s cruel. But it’s even more cruel when Asra pulled away.

No sounds. Julian almost speaks. But then there is the crack of the whip, and what were almost words turn into a cry, loud and unrestrained. It hits his thigh, and the lack of much fat makes it more painful. Damn him for being skinny. There is another, and another, and tears already threaten his field of vision. Asra isn't speaking.

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” Julian sobs, after the sixth crack, while his blood rushes between his legs so fast it makes him dizzy. “Oh my god… oh my god.” He can’t say anything else. There’s another, but now it’s Julian’s back, and he’s just short of screams.

* * *

Asra thinks he’d like to love Julian. Love to love Julian. But his heart is lost, as if at sea.

And a heart's a heavy burden.

* * *

Julian’s whole back is covered in lashes, and down to his ass and his thighs. It hurts,  _ oh _ it hurts, but it he’s aching. His member is dripping with need and he’s trembling with want. The lashes are coming slower now, coming to a slow climax.

“Please,” Julian scrapes out. “Please, Asra— oh, darling—” 

And he gasps as the whip lands on his ass,

“Please let me fuck you!” He bursts out, hips jerking, caught on the chair. Everything aches. His body feels like it’s on fire. There’s a hand in his hair, a soft, small hand that yanks his head back. He gulps.

“Tell me what you want,” Asra’s voice comes, finally. As rough as his hands are, his voice is soft and sweet, like he’s coaxing a scared animal. He asks so calmly, though there has to be something  _ there _ . There has to be something there.

* * *

Being with Julian is always unsatisfactory.

It doesn’t matter what they do— his body may be satisfied, but his mind is just filled with doubt and frustration and mourning. He doesn’t want Julian. Or maybe he does— but he won’t let himself want, not anybody but Miro.

Something aches, he knows that.

* * *

“I want you, Asra,” and Julian is pleading. Crying, gasping, begging. “I want to fuck you. I  _ need _ it, I need to feel you. Please,” his voice cracks. “Please, darling, give it to me. Please.”

  
  


Asra doesn’t have much of a response, but slow, careful hands begin to undo knots. It starts with his legs, then his neck, where it was tied to the backing. Then his arms. Asra is still fully clothed. It gives him a rush, as he turns, but doesn’t sit. Asra is looking at him expectantly, but Julian knows better. He has a hungry gaze.

“Go ahead, then.” Asra’s voice is dripping with boredom. And he barely gets to finish before Julian’s hands are on him, delicately stripping away his layers, getting off his loose-fit shirt. His lips make contact with Asra’s chest as he pushes the magician to the bed. Asra makes no complaint, nor a sound, when Julian’s lips wrap around one of his nipples and his hand slides into Asra’s pants and cups his groin. 

Julian sucks hard, tongue playing with him until the bud slowly hardens underneath him, and the next time asra exhales, it’s shaky. It’s an earned, trembling breath of need. Julian’s thumb moves over Asra’s cock through his boxers and it draws out a sound.

“Get them off me, then.” Asra says it in between the passes, so his voice stays firm.

* * *

…perhaps love hurts.

* * *

Julian is trembling on top of Asra, holding his thighs, looking down at the art below him. Golden skin and white curls and mischievous white eyes, filled with eagerness. His mouth parts in a groan as he runs the length of himself over Asra’s parting, eager but without permission.

“Go ahead.”

Julian handles Asra with care, and he hisses as Asra’s hole gives away to make room for him, drawing him in, and clamps down on him perfectly. It feels so good that it hurts. Julian sobs, rocking in deeper, and his whole cock throbs when the rocking draws out a small gasp from Asra. It’s rewarding.

Julian has to lean properly over Asra to fuck him— he still feels the burning, and that makes it better as he moves his hips in slow, firm thrusts, filling Asra entirely. Asra’s fingers hook to his back and he waits until the magician’s nails are digging in, till his pace quickens. Asra gasps, near mute each time, but finally rewards him with a broken moan when Julian is starting to pound into him. He knows he’s hitting the right spot when Asra’s breathy gasps and moans transform into a cry of his own, and Julian aims for it and goes as hard as he can.

Asra’s sounds move him on. A sob leaves him and Julian comes, buried as deep as he can go, feeling Asra’s hole constrict and come around him. Asra doesn’t even make a noise, just shakes under him, and flips them when the orgasm has finished washing over him.

“Not good enough,” Asra says cheekily, but Julian can see his flushed face, trembling thighs, warm, lidded gaze. He’s absolutely perfect in every way, and it  _ hurts _ when Asra rides his cock, lifting and dropping too fast and too eagerly.

Asra takes Julian’s chin in his hand, presses his thumb in and down on his tongue. It makes him choke up a little, and he sucks on Asra’s thumb, desperate like a whore. He fucks himself up into Asra hard and needy, sobs loudly when it hurts enough to make him cry, and comes a second time while Asra is moaning. He keeps going, though it looks like he’s enjoying the feeling of Julian’s release, brows pinching together.

Asra’s hand finds its way to his cock again, rubbing in quick, wet circles as he moans. He’s taken to smaller thrusts and rubbing himself on Julian’s cock, and when he comes, it’s a squirting mess of an orgasm. He gives a final shudder and lifts himself off, and Julian nearly gets hard again when he sees Asra’s exhausted but satisfied face, and his own fluids drip out of Asra, like he’s some sort of first-class whore made just for Julian, or maybe, maybe a lover after a perfect night.

* * *

When they see each other at the palace, it’s awkward. Asra glares at Julian, or ignores him

completely. Then, he just makes petty, calmer remarks, avoiding contact.

Joking smiles, poking fun.

Hips bumping. Playful shoving. Warm hands on warm arms.

Julian feels like he could fall in love with Asra a thousand times over.

But Asra does not love Julian. That is a constant.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry it's short i just have a lot of feelings


End file.
